"The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."  ~ Danny Kaye, Court Jester

I thought I was having a heart attack. Halfway to the hospital, I realized it was just a bad case of PMS and gas. The ambulance driver drove me to the emergency room anyway. When I awoke from anesthesia, the ER doctor told me , "Congratulations! You're the hospital's...

"Actually, I don't mind doing selfies. But, please, if you ever meet me and you want a selfie, have your stuff ready. Don't make me stand there as you go through your _____ bag looking for your camera. 'Cuz it looks as if I asked you to do it, you know.  ~   Billy...

I'm going out the invaluable door   ~ Emery Lamb

"Every group of brothers should have at least one white guy in it. I'm serious, for safety- 'cuz when the ____  goes down, somebody's gonna need talk to the police. I mean, that's when their white friend comes in handy. Uh, oh, Ernie, wanna get this one..."   ~ Dave...

I never miss the glaringly obvious, just the dimly obvious.   ~ Emery Lamb

"One shouldn’t despair over the fact that some of the developments one has hoped for were never produced but only became a beginning. Perhaps they will be revived some day in the future if necessary or reasonable, when the time is ripe."   ~ Finn Juhl

You know what I hate most about modern life? The expectation that I should answer my phone. Back when I was a child, nobody had cell phones and answering machines. Sure, they were available, but only if you were James Bond. Anyway, the expectation that someone would...

“You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, 'This is art, and you can't do it.” ~ Steve Martin, An Object of Beauty