"We are not nouns, we are verbs. I am not a thing - an actor, a writer - I am a person who does things - I write, I act - and I never know what I'm going to do next. I think you can be imprisoned if you think of yourself as a noun."   ~ Stephen Fry, interview from The...

According to a new study, I have a lot in common with whales. For instance, we both reached our huge size relatively recently.   ~ Emery Lamb

“The definition of wit is a joke that doesn't make you laugh.”    ~ A.A. Gill, The Angry Island: Hunting the English

Facebook's bugging me to list what I studied at the University of Utah. Would've thought the name was a dead giveaway. I studied Arizona.   ~ Emery Lamb

“I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.”   ~ Ellen DeGeneres

People ask me why I'm Mormon. How can I put this? Let's just say that I could move to Outer Mongolia, make a couple of phone calls and ten people will appear on my doorstep to help me move my furniture, a couple dozen 50-pound containers of wheat and an upright piano....

“I don't think stand-up should really work on the page, so the very existence of this book is an indication of my ultimate failure as a comedian. The text of a stand-up set should be so dependent on performance and tone that it can't really work on the page, otherwise...

I overheard a man in a parked van talking on his cellphone. "So, what am I going to do about dinner?" I made a mental note to avoid eating at that taco truck.   ~ Emery Lamb

"Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind paying my income tax if I knew it was going to a friendly country." ~ Dick Gregory, Walk in My Shoes