“We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 years teaching them to sit down and shut up.”   ~ Phyllis Diller

There are three questions I ask myself each morning as I wake: "Am I dreaming?" "Am I dead?" "Where are my fingers and toes?" That's why I set the alarm for 4:00, so that I can get up and at 'em by 8:30.   ~ Emery Lamb

"Midway upon the journey of our life...I cannot well repeat how there I entered."   ~ Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy: Inferno - Canto I

Now that I live in the Wasatch Back, my favorite new catchphrase is, "Rear of the Wasatch." It's so versatile. "What in the rear of the Wasatch?" "Go stick it up your rear of the Wasatch!" "Oooh, there goes a fine rear of the Wasatch!" "What a pain in the rear of the...

"I talked to a gentleman...who went to high school with you...He said you used to run the school. You didn't even need a hall pass. They would catch you and want to tell you a joke." "They would stop me in the hallway, and the teachers would tell me jokes. Hey, Eddie...

I just saw a bumper sticker that read, "What happens in the mountains stays in the mountains."  You, my friend, are mistaken. What happens in the mountains flows downstream during the snowmelt.  ~ Emery Lamb

"Great artists say that the most beautiful thing in the world is a baby. Well, the next is an old lady, for every wrinkle is a picture."   ~ Will Rogers

Believers tend to exclaim, "Oh, my word!" and "What on earth?" Non-believers tend to exclaim, "Oh, my god!" and "What the hell?" Seems like it should be the other way around.   ~ Emery Lamb

"Use your head, can't you, use your head, you're on earth, there's no cure for that!"   ~ Samuel Beckett, Endgame