As I've gotten older, I've been doing a lot of thinking; and I've come to the conclusion that there are not enough words that begin with the letter 'x'. I've also discovered that there are a number of occasions when I don't know the gender of the person I'm...

"And he was rich - yes, richer than a king - And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place. So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And...

I chose to give up devil worship for Lent.   ~ Emery Lamb

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment."   ~ Robert Benchley

The only thing funnier than watching an obese, middle-aged woman rolling around the floor is watching her get up.   ~ Emery Lamb

“I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.” ~ Steven Wright, When the Leaves Blow Away

If you're going thru nicotine withdrawal, come to Salt Lake City, go outside and take a deep breath. You'll be set for days. #TempInversion #Smog #BeijingWest   ~ Emery Lamb

Best first line of a song of all time. "In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey..."   ~ Beck, Loser

I have a terrible fear of spiders. Earlier, I was at the post office when a spider crawled along the counter. In deference to the now-deaf Buddhist monk behind me, it lives.  ~ Emery Lamb