Leaning over a slimy ledge w/a ginormous net attached to a 20-foot pole is not fishing, it's sieving, not to mention a rather arduous way to commit suicide. #chitinadipnetting  ~   Emery Lamb

"The hair is real; it's the head that's fake"  ~ Steve Allen

When life gets overwhelming, just remember that what you're feeling now is one second away from being in the past, and what you'll feel in the future is one second away from now. OK, let's count, one, two... ~ Emery Lamb

"I saw this guy on the bus today. Have you ever seen somebody that you don't know - again? You know what I'm talking about? It's like they're just a total stranger, but they keep popping up once in a while. Like God is running out of extras on the movie of your...

I almost voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 on the off-chance Harry Reid would be called as his Bishop and a White House Janitor as their Stake President.   ~ Emery Lamb  

"The Left wing is made up of the Communist Party which has a membership...of 4,000; 3,000 of whom are FBI agents. Over here, we have the Right wing which is made up of various people - John Birch Society, capitalism, fascism, and finally, greed...Most people are in...

Ironically, watering the lawn makes me thirsty.   ~ Emery Lamb

"I honestly thought Disney World would be no worse than visiting a fairground on an uncomfortably hot day and chucking four grand in a bin on the way out."   ~ Simon Evans, Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2013

I've moved so many times that my furniture is not only distressed, it's suicidal.  ~ Emery Lamb